This is me as a young girl. I was lucky to have the opportunity to perform on stage for many years. I loved being on stage. I loved to sing, dance, act, the costumes, the make-up, the attention. I have many great memories from the theatre life!
What the pictures do not show, is a young girl struggling with herself. A young girl hating herself. Even though I loved the opportunities I got from being on stage, it also had a price. I could not have many play dates, instead my schedule was so busy with activities and late nights, that homework, friends, and sleep was not prioritized. My mom was proud of me, she had always dreamed of becoming a singer, and now I was kind of living her dream. She gave me all the opportunities that she never had herself. My mom was always stressed and burned out, so this way I could make her happy and proud of me.
But I also wanted to have a normal life, with friends, family, time to play, time to relax. But that was just not possible. I was too scared of letting her down, so I kept it all in. And I turned to the one thing I could control in my life, the food. That is how my eating disorder started.
I wish that my mom would have told me that she loved me for just being me. I wish that she would have looked at me and asked me what I wanted. I wish that she had allowed me to figure out who I was. And I wish that she had been happy, even if I did a bad performance.
Today I am a healthy and happy mom of two beautiful kids. Yes, they sometimes choose different from what I had wished, but I let them do it. It is their life, and my biggest job as a mom is to prepare them for life. And I tell them every day that they are good enough - because they are them!
It is not about feeling special or being the best, it is about knowing that you are good enough - because you are you!
Smiles, Ingrid :-)
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!